Yandere wa Watashi o Yuukai Shitadesu!! is a short joke fanfiction by Porcy. It was actually written by Porcy when he was 12, but two years later he decided to make it into a joke.
It's set from the perspective of Natsumi Hamasaki, a kawaii desu transfer student from Tokyo who transfers on Friday and develops a crush on Senpai. She hears about the cherry tree myth, and makes up her mind to confess to him that day. Will Yandere-chan kill the new girl before she can confess to Senpai? Or will she end up Haatoburoken desu????!?!!??!!??!!?!??!?!!??!!
Chapter 1 - A Beautiful Boy
Natsumi sat on the blue bench, a half-eaten bento resting in her hands. With a sigh, she turned to gaze at her beautiful Senpai, who was just standing there in a corner, doing nothing. “Aa, Senpai. When will anata notice how watashi feel about anata?! (≧◡≦) ♡” she whispered, getting up from her spot and slowly creeping towards him.
“Hai... Watashi has made up my mind… Watashi'll tell him how watashi feel today! Watashi hope he accepts mai feelings desu…” the girl sighed heavily, eyes glued to her hands. Turning her head to look behind her, for a split second she spotted a girl with a black ponytail lunging at her with a pair of scissors. However, Natsumi didn’t have time to react, because as soon as she realized what was happening, everything went black.
Natsumi’s eyes flew open and she sat up in her bed instantly. It was just a dream… but she could still feel the pain in the back of her neck. She stretched out her sore arms and slunk out of bed, preparing to go to school. First, Natsumi pulled open a drawer filled with Panties and Stockings.
She then took great care to select the most popular type of panties, the Kawaii Moe Shimapan. They were so popular because they showed off the curves of a girl’s ass, and Natsumi was pretty thicc.
She slipped the girly pink panties she had previously worn that night off her body ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), under her yellow nightgown. Taking the teal-and-white striped underwear out of the dresser, she pulled those ones up. She pulled up her short skirt as well, and slipped her arms through Akademi High’s school uniform top. Natsumi squeezed her small thigh-high black stockings on, creating that lovely fat deposit at the zettai ryouiki, and proceeded to step into the black shoes. Now she was all set… almost.
Natsumi had forgotten to take out her pigtails before she went to sleep. Now the pink pigtails looked kind of fuzzy, and you could tell that she slept with them in. A light blush spread across her animu face, and Natsumi took a hairbrush from her dresser and quickly ran it through her hair, just so that she would at least look okay.
She was chikoku! It was already 7:30! Everybody was probably already at their lockers now. “Sayonara, Okaa-san desu~!＼(⌒▽⌒)” Natsumi yelled as she snatched the uncooked tosuto out of the toaster and stuffed it into her mouth desu desu yo, bursting through the door.
Her fast pace began to slow to a jog after she had gotten out of the house. It was a beautiful day. Birds were chirping. The sakura trees were in full bloom. Pink and white petals fell down around her like snow. She took a moment just to admire the beautiful scenery, to take in all the sounds and the sights and the smells.
She could hear two voices off in the distance. Natsumi turned her head to look at them. There stood the beautiful boy from her dream and that girl from her dream... the one with the black ponytail. She felt her heart flutter as she looked at the boy, totally ignoring the fact that that girl literally fucking stabbed her. He was
sugoi perfect... he had black hair, dreamy eyes, and a beautifully sculpted face.
The girl with the ponytail, however, had no light in her eyes. They were just black. The mystery girl turned her head in Natsumi's direction and gave her a dirty look. Natsumi felt her face become dokidoki warm desu desu as she got up and ran towards the school, which was only a few blocks away.
Chapter 2: The Cherry Tree Myth
Natsumi ran hurriedly towards her school, which was right in front of her by now. It was a large white building, with sakura trees lining the stone path. As soon as she arrived at the front gate, she continued doing her kawaii anime run until she got through the doors.
All the girls were gathered in a circle. Natsumi crouched down carefully behind her locker to listen to what was being said, as she was curious, but it would be awkward for her to just barge into their conversation. "So, today's a Friday. Any of you planning to confess to someone?" the teal-haired girl asked everyone. She looks just like Miku, with her teal twintails desu! Sugoi...(o´∀`o) Natsumi thought.
"I was, but... now... I just don't feel like having a relationship..." one with purple drills and HUGE TITS said. "Just... never mind."
Doushite would somebody only confess to their rabu on a Friday desu, Natsumi wondered? Nani significance did it hold ╮(￣ω￣;)╭? Her question would be answered very soon. "Why would you confess on a Friday of all days?" a green-haired girl asked absently. One girl with a red side ponytail turned to look at her. "Midori, you goddamned moron. We've explained this to you every Friday." she grunted. "Remember the cherry tree myth? The one where if you confess to someone under the cherry tree behind the school on a Friday, they are guaranteed to accept your love confession?"
That was all she needed to know. Natsumi moved away from the gossiping area, got up, and went to class 1-1. That was easy to remember, 1-1. Her teacher was named Reina Nana. But before she could get up, that one girl was standing over her. The one with the black ponytail. Natsumi kawaiily quivered with fear at her cold, lifeless stare.
Suddenly, the girl's face broke out into a smile. "I just wanted to tell you that you look lovely today!" she chirped in a cheerful, sing-song voice. Fake ass bitch.
"Ehh????? R-really? Wow, thank you, th-that's so nice of anata to say... (⌒‿⌒)" Natsumi replied. Unamused, she faked a smile and got up quickly to go to class, before the mysterious girl could say anything else.
When Natsumi arrived, nobody was there except the teacher, who stood at a podium, frozen in place. She had a brown ponytail and looked the exact same as all the other teachers. Perhaps they were all sisters? They didn't have the same family name...
"Welcome to the class. You may read for ten minutes, until all the other students come." the teacher spoke firmly. And Natsumi nodded and got a book to read off the shelf. But she didn't read it. She was too busy thinking about the cherry tree myth... was it true? Should she confess her feelings to him that day?
Chapter 3 - I Want to Speak With You
The class was boring as fuck. Some people named Yui Rio, Haruto Yuto, Midori Gurin and Ryuto Ippongo shared the classroom with her. After the class was over, Natsumi went down the stairs to get her sugoi sugoi desu bento box out of her locker, and to send the boy a note. Once she came down, the first thing Natsumi did is write a note.
Watashi want to speak with anata about something desu~ ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ Please meet watashi at the cherry tree behind the gakkou at 4:00, desu desu.
I hope you'll be there ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆
And Natsumi signed it. But, after she went to her locker, she discovered a note. "Ehhh, nani?! A secret admirer desu? They must be asking to meet me at the cherry tree! I hope it's not at the same time as Senpai... desuuu...." Natsumi monologued.
I want to speak with you about something. Please meet me behind the cherry tree at 3:00.
I hope you'll be there.
The typical shoujo protagonist was excited. She already had a secret admirer, on her first day of school? And she still had time to confess to Senpai! Natsumi rushed up the stairs with her pink bento box, until she finally reached the rooftop. She sat down on the bench and ate some of her rice... only to find, after the first few spoonfuls, a sewing needle? Nani the actual fuck?
It's common knowledge that needles tear up your insides when eaten. Natsumi decided not to make a scene, and instead simply closed the box. Who knows what else could be in there? You didn't just find a needle in your food and have it be an accident. Obviously someone was threatening her, or trying to kill her. Why else would there be a needle in her bento?
Chapter 4 - Kidnapped
Natsumi wanted desperately to tell a teacher, but it was 3:00 already. She just couldn't stand this person up! How cruel! After lunch, Natsumi flew down the stairway, and to the sakura tree. After she arrived, Natsumi looked around. There was nobody there. That's when she felt a sharp prick in the back of her neck, just like in her dream, and she blacked out.
Natsumi woke up in a dark room. She couldn't see anything. The girl tried to get up, but her hands were tied securely to what seemed like a metal pole. "N-nani the fuck? Where am I?!" Natsumi demanded to know, her wrists stinging from rope burns. She could hear someone began to giggle softly, and her giggle turned into a quiet laugh, which morphed into a loud laugh, and then a maniacal cackle. That's when the lights flickered on, revealing... the black-haired girl with the ponytail!
There were other girls tied to the pole, too. Natsumi moved her head around (her head was the only part not tied up) and she could see one girl with orange twintails and pink scrunchies, a teacher with giant tits and a stripper outfit, and a woman wearing a nurse outfit that looked kinda like one of those slutty Halloween costumes. Another one was Senpai except a loli. Is this a BDSM dungeon? There were also six other girls, but they were on the opposite end of the pole, so she couldn't see them.
"Nani are anata, anyway?!" Natsumi demanded once again. "Her name is Yan-chan, you baka! Everyone knows that!" she heard the one with the scrunchies yell. A tsundere? Natsumi began to notice something... these girls are all anime stereotypes, particularly hentai stereotypes. A slutty teacher, slutty nurse, tsundere, loli imouto...
Pretty Makeup Power Live!!
Natsumi: pretty makeUP POWER LIVE!!!!111!!!!1!!!!
everyone: instantly killed by the blast of energy
natsumi: flies away and fucks senpai