|Steve from Colorado|
Again, literally everywhere
|Steve is a mysterious, Santa Claus-like figure who has been sighted across the world and throughout different time periods. It seems as though he's in every vintage photograph. He was worshiped by the ancient Egyptians as a god.|
Steve from Colorado (More commonly known as Steve) is THELEGENDGIANTDAD and Chariot Dude's OC.
No matter what time period he's in, Steve is always wearing the same clothing type - A trashy $5 hoodie, basketball shorts, and an old beanie on top of his head. He has oily, brown, shaggy hair and a beard that he never completely shaves off. His eyes are presumed to be green, yet people have debated over the years whether his eyes are actually red or if he's just high all the time - it wouldn't be very far off.
Steve is a Santa Claus-like figure as old as time itself that breaks into peoples houses, steals all of their blankets, and wraps himself in a blanket burrito on their couch if they leave weed out for him. He is presumed to have personally witnessed every national disaster with a front row seat and is commonly referred to as the last hope for humanity. It is likely that with enough searching, Steve can be found in every photograph, painting, hieroglyphic, and sketch ever created.
People across the world have been visited by Steve, and describe the condition of their house the same every time. The first thing you'll notice in the morning is your lack of blankets. You will find them rolled up on the couch, all tainted with the scent of Steve. Because he sleeps with junk food in his pockets in case he ever gets hungry at night, there is often candy wrappers and squashed donuts on the couch. If you have Netflix, you will be surprised (or not) to find that every show has been binge-watched at least twice, yet never fully finished. There is often a sticky note on the monitor with Steve's chicken-scratch handwriting saying "-Name of show- is a really funny show to watch when you're high." Whatever show he wrote down will not actually be a real show.
Steve will often get very emotional, and try to write a strongly worded letter to an unknown person. Most of the letter is unreadable, except for one bullet point that says one of Steve's signature quotes, such as "If dudes had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses." Afterwords, he will get very hungry, and try to order pizza, only to be disappointed when he finds that there's no speed dial key for pizza, only for your great-aunt, Eustace. In this situation, he will change all speed dial keys to different pizza places, and one Chinese food place. The keys are labelled poorly, with bad handwriting, and are usually just drawings of pizza, bread sticks, noodles, and words such as "xbox" and "dinner."
Steve will curl up on your couch with all of your high school yearbooks and circle people he knows. He somehow manages to be in every one of them, his only given name being "Steve." The yearbooks are always left open on the page that features him (prominently - he's hidden in every portrait somewhere).
If you have junk food such as potato chips, Oreos, or Twinkies, he will open them all, eat a little bit, and leave them in different places of your previously organized cupboard. He will also help himself to 3 frozen burritos (he only eats half of them), and he will make a panini that he forgets to eat. If you have any leftovers, he will throw them all in a pot with some top ramen and water and boil it, take one bite, realize it tastes disgusting and try to feed it to your dogs.
If you leave a Rubik's cube out solved, you will find it in the morning unsolved and with the stickers peeled off and put in random places. If enough weed is left out for him, he will leave goodies, such as bongs, cold pizza, and half eaten pot brownies.
On a rare occasion, Steve will forget his beanie and come over the next day to retrieve it. When you find it, it will be filled with guacamole next to a bag of nacho cheese Doritos that he used in place of tortilla chips.
Similarly to how kids can visit Santa at the mall, you can visit Steve at your local Arby's. He has a booth saved for anyone willing to talk to him (It still has dirty dishes from the last family that ate there.) When you arrive, he will share with you some of his infinite wisdom, leaving you in awe as he leaves the table. You will be thinking of what he said the whole ride home, only to realize the next morning that he said something stupid, such as "The best dogs were once cats."